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True Life Roomies Stories
The Power of Facebook
After almost thirty years, Could Debbie really find her father through Facebook?
You think of Facebook and you think of finding friends, but what, I wondered would happen if I typed my Dad's name in? The Dad I'd never met. Would he just pop up? Appear in front of me on the screen, or would draw a blank like all my other attempts to find him?
I took a deep breath and typed in his name. Sixteen search results appeared. I scrawled hopefully through them but there was no Michael Collins. Sixteen people with the same surname was something though. And so I sent every one of them a message, telling them I was looking for my father. I'd log on, every day after that, hoping someone would have replied. Then, sure enough, a few days later, there was a message in my inbox, from a Margaret Collins. She'd been married to my grandfather but as my father's stepmother hadn't kept in touch with Dad. She told me his brother Raymond worked at a cab firm in Dundee and suggested I contact him. I looked the firm up and phoned him straight away.
He was pretty surprised to hear from me, after 29 years, but was friendly and helpful, He told me my Dad had moved from Dundee to a place called Arbroath. I couldn't believe it. I'd lived in Arbroath for four years, my husband Marcus and I had moved there from Dundee. It turned out Dad had too and was just a five-minute walk from where we lived.
A week later I had a call from my father's sister Lyn. She told me that my Dad was in the middle of some hospital appointments but that she would give me his number when they were out of the way. The following Monday she called with his number. "Leave it till 3pm," she said. "Call him around tea-time".
It was 1pm. How could I wait two hours?' It seemed like a lifetime. I had so many things to ask, so much to say. It was probably a good thing I had time to think it though, time to prepare.
I'd never had a close relationship with my mother, so it was an even bigger deal to me to get on with my Dad. I so hoped we'd have something in common and was fearful we may not. Nervous and excited I sat and imagined what he'd sound like, tried to imagine how I might feel. I worried that I'd be angry with him.
It was a shock at first to hear his voice - he was so softly spoken, not how I'd imagined at all. He asked me how I'd managed to find him. I explained that I'd searched on Facebook and that by pure coincidence we lived in the same town. After that we just chatted away, the conversation flowing as if we'd known each other for years.
The next day we met on our local high street and went for a few games of pool. I'd been worried we weren't going to click or that it might be awkward, but it wasn't like that at all. I'd imagined it would take a while to get to know each other but straight away I felt like he was my Dad. We just got on great.
He told me how he'd wished he'd been there to see me grow up, but how he was only 19 when he had me, that he'd felt too young to cope with it all.
It would be a lie to say I didn't feel disappointment, but I was happy he was honest with me. And that, there he was there, being my Dad after all. I had to be thankful for that.
I'd wondered if he'd look like me and remember noticing he had the same lips. But stranger still was how much he looked like my daughter Jay, 6. She has red hair and so does he, she so obviously she takes after him, they look just the same.
I see my Dad most days now. We go shopping a lot. I've never had a family member who loves shopping before. My husband Marcus and the kids get on with him great too. It like having the family I always wished for.
The sad side to it all is that Dad now has cancer and we know it's not going into remission. Of course it breaks my heart to think I'll lose him, but the way I try and see it is that I could have left it too late to get in touch. I'm just glad that we have the time we do have.
Before I met my real Dad I don't think I realised there was anything missing in my life. But now he's here he's made me feel complete, like there was a gap that needed filling that's been filled.
That's why my advice to people thinking of looking for family, is to go for it. People make mistakes, and we've all done things we're not proud of. I think everyone deserves a second chance and thinking that has meant I've gained a Dad. A Dad I now cherish every day.
